I think that loving you is one of the most amazing things that I have ever felt in my life

And you reciprocating feels like a cosmic hug-

a feeling of completeness.

It’s just so difficult to describe the level of love that I feel.

All the things that I say or write,

Is just the surface of the depth this love has.

It fills me up 

And I have to tell you or write about it immediately 

Because my body can only carry so much love at one time.

And it’s constant 

You are nowhere near me right now

Yet I still feel your love deep into my bones

And I think of everything that got us here

All of the steps and decisions that led to us meeting

And I thank the universe every day

Because knowing you is life changing.

I think in emotions and images

Past moments will flash in my mind

As clear as when it happened.

Like looking in your eyes on one specific day 

And feeling like my heart is crawling out of my chest to get to you.

The feeling of laughing at your silliness,

The joy and unbelievable connection I have to your soul.

The pull I feel towards you that I’ve felt since our first kiss.

The warmth and safety that I feel in your arms, knowing that I’m where I’m meant to be.

The way you look at me makes me melt- when I see you, it’s the same feeling that I get when I look at the moon- being mesmerized by the beauty in your soul and in our connection.

How can one person love so much?

When I think of you

All of the memories we have made (so far)

Flash through my brain

And it ends with us

Walking hand in hand

And the feeling of absolute happiness,

Fluttering butterflies,

And an indescribable love.

Every day 

My eyes light up

More than the day before

Every week

My smile feels more genuine,

More true;

Every month 

I become closer

To who I’m meant to be.

I’m not saying it’s you,

Or love,

Or any external source-

But you helped the Sun 

Reach through the cracks

Into my soul.

Your kindness

And your warmth,

Made me feel safe enough

To bloom.

And because of those things-

I feel more myself than ever before.

And I’m starting to actually believe

That who I am is enough.

Patience.

I have never been good at that:

To just wait

For a message or a time of day.

The anticipation.

Knowing how amazing it will be

And having to pause,

To wait until it comes.

Minutes feel like hours,

Hours feel like days,

Days feel like a lifetime.

How does one be patient?

How can I be patient?

To be a peace with now;

Without anxiety for what will happen

Or what could happen.

To truly be here

And to enjoy every moment.

How do I do that

When so much of my life has been not great?

And now there is something absolutely wonderful,

But it requires patience,

Waiting,

Planning.

It’s worth it, God is it worth it.

But how do I make it easier?

The sound of the ocean waves

The scent of rain as you pass

The flash of lightning in the sky

The bloom of a flower in Spring

The intricate structure of a bridge

The unfathomable beauty of this Earth

Forehead kisses on the train

Gazing into your eyes

Your laugh

Your smile

Your silliness

Your energy

The way you brush my hair back

The way you make me laugh

The way I feel when I’m with you

The support and encouragement you give

The way you wouldn’t change who I am

How your brain processes music

Your interest in sharks and history

Your fascination in architecture and Shakespeare

You in your entirety, flaws and all

-Things that I love 

(You have my heart)

I think about soulmates and how there are many.

How these people come into our lives

For however long before they part. 

I don’t believe that soulmates always find each other,

Or that there is just one.

I don’t believe that they necessarily help you become better. 

But I do believe in twin flames

And the idea that

Part of your soul is mirrored in another being. 

That there is a person,

Not necessarily romantic or sexual,

That you are destined to meet.

I believe that it can be a platonic or a passionate love. 

It forces you to look at your flaws and weaknesses-

And maybe you aren’t ready to see that. 

But if you are ready,

And the universe draws you together, 

I believe that this person will truly heal the soul-

That it will feel like nothing you’ve ever felt before.

That there is this cosmic pull,

The idea that this person helps you become

The best version of yourself. 

From the start it felt so right

A new beginning, a transformation of sorts;

The next part of my journey in life.

As if black and white is all you see

And then somebody fills your world with color:

Vivid purple thistles and deep green pines, 

A world of beauty.

This love has awakened a part of myself that was missing

For a long time.

The part that feels free and happy to be alive,

The part that is interested in everything

And ready to explore the unknown.

It’s awakened my love for stories and writing and art–

Healing parts that were numb for so long

And encouraging the growth of my soul.

You truly make me a better person.

I love you

Falling is scary 

It’s terrifying and beautiful

Exhilarating and unexpected

And you wake up one morning

And you think about the way they look at you

The way they feel like home

And your stomach fills with butterflies

But then there’s the unknown

Not knowing what will happen

There’s a simplicity of it – 

The magic of two souls finding a connection.

The quick glances in public,

The prolonged eye contact in private.

The feeling that in this crazy and fucked up world,

You have somehow found somebody

That feels like the warmth of the sun,

Whose hugs feel like a calm ocean – 

With love flowing over you softly, with purpose.

Whose aura magnifies and reflects

The best version of yourself.

For somebody who was not expecting this in any sort of way,

You came into my life and just were.

From our long walks and longing bodies,

Our meetups when we just couldn’t be away any longer.

Where we needed to feel our bodies touch.

We talked more and more every day

And I learned who you really are.

I learned about your fears and favorite things,

Your childhood memories and passions.

Then before I knew it, I had fallen.

I fell in love with your energy, with your mind.

I fell in love with the way you look at me, the way you care.

The way you communicate and listen without judgement or malice.

The love you happily receive and return back tenfold.

I have fallen in love with every piece of you, 

Every inch of your mind and body.

And I will spend forever proving that to you.

I’m so in love it hurts.

To not know if it’s the same,

To feel this ache when they aren’t near,

But scared to be too close.

What if they run away and hurt me.

To know that they have someone else

Just as I have,

But wanting to spend all my time with them

And just cuddle in their arms,

Kiss them everywhere,

Laugh and joke and laugh some more,

To freeze time and live in it forever

My heart’s speed increasing,

At the thought of you.

I look at photos on my phone

And smile at who you are:

The kindness you radiate,

The warmth I feel when with you.

Those eyes –

Those breathtaking eyes 

That I could stare into forever.

The way you make me feel enough

And love the entirety of my personality –

I feel like I can truly be myself.

I feel like sunshine when I’m with you:

Smiling ear to ear

Butterflies fill my stomach,

And when I hug you –

It’s like I’m safe,

Nothing can hurt me.

I’m so grateful to know you,

Though I do believe that this isn’t our first lifetime meeting –

But even after Lethe and starting anew,

You’re still familiar.

Your soul shines through

And fills my world with light.

I know that I write a lot

And describe you in so many beautiful ways. 

I just think you’re one of the kindest 

And gentlest souls that I’ve ever met. 

When I’m around you, 

It literally feels like my soul is healing.

I have spent a lot of time

Being down on myself.

And yes, part of this is by being

Over-criticized by my family members. 

But being around you

And hearing you say

That you wouldn’t change anything about me.

Those words. 

I have never heard those words spoken to me before – 

Not once.

My entire life 

I’ve been told that I’m too clingy

And too needy,

That I’m not presentable if I don’t, 

I don't know – shave my legs

Or if I don’t wear makeup. 

That I share too much of myself

And who I am 

With people I am close to.

So to meet and get to know

Somebody who says those words to me. 

Who encourages me to be myself. 

When I’m with you I feel seen and safe and free.

My chest is beating so fast:

I have fallen so hard

And given my heart fully,

I have worn it on my sleeve.

And the fear, the anxiety

That maybe you have changed your mind,

Maybe I gave too much

And pushed you away,

Maybe my worry

That I did something wrong

Is what ruins this.

But I’m so scared that I will lose you.

I’m so so so scared-

To go to bed

And not be able to text goodnight – 

To wake up with the sun

And not text good morning.

My eyes leak as I imagine this world

And I pray that it doesn’t happen.

Because then, what do I do?

How do I open my heart again

If this crushes me?

Kingly duels on a screen doth strike and clash,

A glistening man fights a sandy brunette;

What a strange story to view in a flash,

Next to the kind’st person I’ve ever met.

The the strangest thing occurred between us,

A kiss: only one was expected: sure;

So t’wasn’t a shock when there was a buss;

But then there was more from this strange allure.

As if the pull ‘tween the moon and the tide

Pulled me towards you, with a feeling unknown;

Then in your eyes I felt myself decide

To allow happiness within mine own.

Now doth I sit smiling ear to ear,

When’er my heart flutters cause you’re so near.