a broken bond

I wear my heart on my sleeve, a freckle for all to see,

And I love at full strength without a second thought.

It can be beautiful and wonderful.

Like finding a seashell in the middle of a field,

Miles from an ocean; a rare gem,

An unexpected treasure.

Yet you feel isolated, alone in this vast world.

Nobody else seems to love, not in the same way at least.

Not the friends that you care for as deeply as you would a partner,

People you bear your soul to – more than anybody else.

And you feel safe – you feel loved and appreciated,

You’re told how they will always be there and you believe it. 

Yet time passes and things change.

Out of nowhere they treat you as they would treat a stranger.

They avoid you and ignore you, 

Making you regret the trust you gave so openly.

And it happens constantly.

You either are taken advantage of because of how much you care –

Or fully disowned, without a word.

And that pain – it hurts as much as losing a love.

You mourn the past and what could be, imagining that version of yourself.

Yet then you find someone, a person who opens the cage you put yourself in,

Releasing the colors of your soul that you have hidden for so long.

That love, the love you feel when someone truly sees you –

The good and bad, the light and the dark –

They love you for who you are.

And that is the rarest love of all.

Those moments,

With people who see through your barriers and make you feel safe –

Make opening your heart worth it.

But it doesn’t change how hard it is: 

The pain of loss, the insecurity –

Feeling like you did something wrong.

Maybe it was from being honest, being true to yourself. 

It’s a constant contradiction.

And you know that you should continue to flaunt who you are,

How much you love.

But the pain of those friendships

That you have lost makes it difficult.

And you go back and forth

Unsure of how to act, how to be.